So umm, yeah, I woke up this morning in the world’s worst mood on record. Seriously, given that I was actually rather upbeat yesterday, it was surprising how down I got. Basically, it was down to that good old standby of a downer, food and diets, namely that I’m not on one, and my head decided that those that are following one religiously or with dedication equate me being a big f…..well, failure. I did say another f word before failure in my head at the time, but since then I’ve told myself for slipping into bad habits of using the fat word in a negative fashion. It was a momentary lapse, old not that long-buried negative patterns being triggered by old insecurities.
But I went to the library, got a few books including one I’ve been dying to read, had a pot of tea and used a cup and saucer and cut my sandwiches into triangles, and hey presto, good mood restored. Not to mention I was having a beyond good hair day…..to say I didn’t really do much to it, it behaved itself….but then I didn’t fuss over it too much; I’m guessing it was grateful to not being styled into an inch of its life! More of that anon.
Its been weird this week because I feel like I’ve seen my future and past self all in one go….which sounds a bit touchy feely, but here me out. Having gotten some good news on the career front, and also it looking like something I volunteered to do is going to come to pass, it felt like I’ve gotten this ‘pro-active, be brave and fearless, and put yourself out there’ attitude was worth the hard work and effort it takes to think positively and well, do all of the above. I’d even managed to find some new enthusiasm for things I had lost a little love for.
But in the same breath, I’d had a few reminders of the past……talking about the top secret thing I’m going to be doing meant I was talking about past events, so maybe its just brought it to the front of my mind, but I dont know, it seems like certain things in all aspects of my life, past, present and future suddenly seem to be holding a certain sort of value. Like there’s a bigger picture that I can’t see right now, as I’m in the moment, but like fate (yes, fate. I’m not at all religious, but I’ve had a few things happen that have made me think that certain things are supposed to happen at certain times…..call me superstitious and weird, but I don’t care. I get gut instincts on things, and feelings, and notice stuff that can’t just be plain old co-incidence. But I might just be reading too much into crap like that. I do tend to do that with most things). Where was I, oh yeah, fate. Like fate has some sort of game plan, and right now all I’m doing is making decisions that I think are small or only big in terms of how they make me feel, but maybe they’ll turn out to be big in terms of my life. Just this week, whilst at work, I ended up remembering something I didn’t even remember doing. I had this flashback to a previous job, and being stuck in the tiny back office, doing some sort of training of some pointless kind, and sitting next to the person I fancied and thus not paying total attention, enough just not total but still getting the answers to stuff right, and maybe some copying of my work going on with my own permission. See, when this memory came into my brain, it seemed so clear and sudden that I was sure it happened, but now the edges of it seem so hazy that I’m thinking I could have just dreamt it. Anyone else think that a Penseive would be the most useful magical device if it was real?
Anyway, I’m rambling. You want to see me in an outfit, right?
Ok so my hair totally looked better than this…..cant wait until I’ve grown my fringe out!
Ahh….hair looking better here!
Leather Jacket – Evans
Fair Isle Long Jumper – Evans (Christmas present last year. Worn a lot!)
Leggings – Evans
Necklace and Earrings – Primark
Quick note, I don’t usually say where my makeup is from, namely because I usually only buy from three places – Benefit, M.A.C and Urban Decay….I’ve got quite sensitive skin, so I *can* wear other brands but if I wear them all day long, they tend to irritate my skin and bring me out in spots. And if there’s tea-tree in them somewhere sneakily, forget about it! Anywho, having read the many times the lovely Jen of A Little Bird Told Me has on many occasions recommended Topshop’s make-up line, so on the ill-fated trip to Meadowhall to buy some of Evans Collection, I came home with some pretty make-up instead to cheer me up! Dont ask me what shades I’ve got on, I’ve not the foggiest!
Thats it folks…..other than in just five days time, I’ll be taking up the National Novel Writing Month challenge, and will post my daily novel-writing efforts over on its very own blog site – http://thegirlandtheguy.wordpress.com/
I don’t promise a literary masterpiece, but I’m open to any constructive criticism, so feel free to drop by from the 1st of November.
But of course I’ll still be blogging away on here, and hope to have enough to do an update on my 30 before 30, which I havent forgotten about, I’m busy trying to progress certain things, I’ve just not gotten there with anything much yet!
So, time to stop rambling….Toodle Pip!